StumbleUpon

StumbleUpon is a sure way to waste away the day. It's a way to explore the Internet when you don't know what you are looking for. And it gives you a whole lot of random, cheesy sites that make you laugh....

First Cheesy Sites are those that are titled "Things Guys Should Know About Girls" or "Things Girls Should Know About Guys". They are seriously funny and often times can be followed by a "no duh!" I've decided that these pages are posted by guys/girls who are single and pine away for their "soul-mate". You keep thinking that sweetheart, he may even ride up on a white stallion. Bless your soul. :/

• Do not cheat on a girl. We girls talk, we WILL know, and we WILL find out, and we WILL dump you! No kissing two girls within 24 hrs, it's rude and disrespectful. Plus it puts you in the Jerk/Player category.


• Don't drench yourself in the cologne, but smell good. Oh I just love your excessive use of Aqua Di Gio. Yucky!


• When in doubt, wear a shirt that matches your eye color. Blue eyes automatically give you 10 bonus pts.


• You're sexy when you're shaving, fixing things, wearing a white T-shirt and jeans, driving, eating a peach, holding a baby. "Eating a peach" is not sexy, just messy.


• Baseball players are hot. The sport makes you skinny and your arm muscles… well, it’s hot. We’ll go to all your games even if we hate baseball. No arguments here. Watch him run, oh baby oh baby.


• At sleepovers, if you wonder what we talk about, quit worrying. It really is only you. It's you and the really cute guy at Blockbuster....


• We like you to kiss our hand and cheeks and forehead (esp. forehead!!), not just shove your tongue down our throats. We do like to breathe. Please do not kiss me that resembles a dog, sappy tree, or some sort of sea creature.


• As surprising as it may be, while guys might actually look at personality, the first thing girls look at tends to be looks. We're not going to see you and think, 'I wonder what his personality is like!' Terrible, but true. It's true but a girl will quickly place you in the "Potential" category or the "Jerk/Creeper" category based on how you carry yourself and if people in the room avoid you.


• If we say "Let's just be friends", we really mean it. Don't keep trying to pursue us, and don't say ok and then ignore us. That's just mean and horrible. And do not take the "let's be friends" phrase as a promise of some future relationship. If I don't like you now, I never will. Don't give me hugs and linger, it's creepy and one day it will cause you to be on the floor gasping in pain. Also don't do surprise dates. Don't say that a group is going to a movie and it ends up being the two of you. She will fake some sort of illness, typically cramps bc a guy won't investigate.


• Girls fantasize too...

Since StumbleUpon is not neither male nor female, here's the for the flip side, what guys wish girls knew....

• Guys don't like sluts.....really? are you sure? ok, well in that case I better notify the female population.


• When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something. Oh good, neurons are synapsing up there. That's a relief.


• If you like the us, then you would let us think that our mustache, beard, or sideburns look cool. Facial hair can be very sexy but no girl wants to make out with Hitler.


• Guys don't necessarily like girls who are too skinny. WTF. What does "too skinny" mean? How do you measure something like that? Maybe it should read "guys don't like girls who look like teen boys?" Furthermore boys, she may appear to have a proportional chest but don't you know? Victoria Secret is the best friend of the "flat-as-a-board" girls.


• When a girl says "no", a guy hears "try again tomorrow". No means no, tomorrow's answer will be no and now you are a creeper.


• Guy's fantasies are unlimited..... since when is creativity bad?


• If a guy suddenly asks you for a date, ask why? Seriously?! Who comes up with this crap? It is probably because he is attracted to you.


• If you don't dress like the Victoria Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. I'm perfectly ok with this mainly because I don't want you to be secretly my sister's baby daddy nor the guy in coma for the entire season.


• Let us ogle. If we can't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are. Nice loop boys.

P.S. these comments were listed as "Facts" and thus have been scientifically proven to be true and have been agreed upon by all parties of single boys and single girls. Poor unfortunate souls.

Site #2

An application from a father to date his daughter. It is nice to be able to tell your father that the guy you are going out with on Friday night does not have a record and is not a drug dealer. However a father wonders a lot of other questions (or in my case your grandmother)

• If I were shot, the last place I'd like to be shot last is? Pretty sure any girl knows this answer, at least if she hasn't been living under a rock


• A women's place is in the? You say "home" and my father won't need to beat you, I will myself.

Site 3

• 1,385,160 Cows have been abducted by aliens


• I am prepared for a Velociraptor attack


• Custom building hell....

Slow Drivers
Circle I Limbo

Stupid People
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind

Ke$ha
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow

Dentists
Circle IV Rolling Weights

18 year old girls
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled

River Styx

Creepers
Circle VI Buried for Eternity

River Phlegyas

Screaming children before 9 am on a saturday
Circle VII Burning Sands

Guys with Hitler mustaches
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement

People responsible for forcing Cookie Monster to eat fruits/veggies
Circle IX Frozen in Ice