Yes? No? Maybe?

The dating game is a bitter sweet occurrence in the life of a 22 year old girl. As many of you know, Marissa’s past boyfriends leave one gasping for air as you laugh. It carries a common theme of “don’t ask me, I don’t know why I dated them. What the hell was I thinking?”

Apparently, according to my father, I’ve been going about the dating game all wrong.

When I feel like I’ve been strung-along by a boy, I take the stance of I’m not going to talk to you or even acknowledge that we are breathing the same air. In the past I would have been very verbal about the hurt but in my “mature” age, I’ve been trying to adopt the idea of don’t have nothing to say nice, don’t say anything at all. Sometimes it works better than others. Well, I am not the most subtle person alive. In fact, I’m as subtle as a semi-truck hitting another truck full of paint. Everyone in a 5 miles radius can see and feel it when Marissa is mad/ignoring some person(s). Fed up with continually feeling this way, I decided to ask the one guy who I knew would tell me the ugly truth: my dad.

Now I do warn you, especially if you are female, that the following views may seem to you to be atrocious. However, the truth hurts and the ugly truth hurts even more.

Truthfully I don’t quite remember how we got on this topic and it was a fairly long, enlightening debate. It was a debate. My father and I are loud and have no difficulty in sharing our opinions and denouncing other peoples. It may be a jumble of thoughts and a bit frightening and shocking…. my mother definitely had some facial expressions conveying her disgust. Ok here we go:

First we will establish the term “dating”:

-Of a couple, to be in the early stages of a relationship where they go out on dates to find out what each other is like, as a prelude to actually being a fully fledged couple.

Sorry girls but the term “dating” does not mean that you are a full fledged, official couple bound for marriage. It does not mean that he is the one. It doesn’t even mean that you are the Lucy to his Ricky. It purely means that you are in a state of figuring out if this person is what you think they are. It is a time to figure out if you like the person in all their glory or if you can’t stand them. It does not mean that he is shopping for an engagement ring when you think he is playing basketball with the boys. He really is playing basketball with the boys.

Rule straight from the Male Rulebook:

Dating is like job interviews. You don’t just want to have one job interview. The chance of it being the job that works out is very unlikely. You need to have multiple interviews in order to have a good outcome. Dating is the same way. Dating multiple girls in the “Maybe” column allows them to determine whether she belongs in the “Yes” or “No” columns.

A girl is far more likely to want to establish the relationship as “exclusive” by the third or fourth date with a guy whereas a guy most likely doesn’t and if he does find himself in a “relationship” it may not be what he wanted. He may have felt pressured by the girl to be in the relationship. He doesn’t want to say no to the girl because she is in his “Maybe” column. So he says yes but he also has the other girls in his “Maybe’ column to figure out. He can still do so. My dad states that 90% of the time, the guy is pressured by the girl to be in the relationship. Now girls, some of you are freaking out. I did. Many of you may say that he is not suppose to date any one else. As my dad asked me, where is that stated? Dating is a game of getting to know people and finding if you are compatible with them. Why should you limit your shopping list? The guy may decide with time that the girl is or isn’t what he wants. That is when he freely makes his decision without pressure. If it is a “Yes” then marriage is on its way.

I even asked my dad if he would be ok with me dating a guy who is in such a situation. He replied yes, because you are still in the “Maybe” column. Shocking, I know. My father is definitely not arranging my marriage any time soon that is for sure.

This next rule supports the last. Everyone is date-able whether or not they are “in a relationship”. Guys will still go after a girl who is in a relationship up until there is a ring on her finger. It’s the same way for girls with guys.

Girls I know you are freaking or at least find this whole idea a bit shady. One thing to keep in mind is that there is a rule book for men and a separate one for women. In the female book when a guy is in a relationship then it means that he is not dateable. That he is no longer interested in you. False. He may still be interested in you. Observe his behavior. Does he bring the girlfriend around? Does he still flirt with you and/or other girls? Never throw any guy out of the game, just think of a more clever strategy to play the game.

After the two hour debate with my father, I can understand his thinking. My father even stated that he would prefer me to date like a boy. That way I could figure out a lot more about my own “Maybe” column. Who knows? Maybe…